Make Hinge Your Bitch<3

dating tips, stories, and laughs

Let’s talk about modern day dating.

I know we are all so desperately hoping for someone to run across a field at dawn for us like in Pride and Prejudice, and please, do not give up on these hopes. Succumbing to the online dating world does not mean surrendering your romance.

I will always linger in bookstores and cafes in hopes of running into someone who could change everything. I will always make eye contact with people passing by, beautiful strangers across crowded rooms, and well-dressed men on subways. BUT I will also continuously curl into a ball under the covers, wrapped up in my robe, and giggle at the light of my phone showing me strangers who want to date me.

First and foremost, let’s go over why Hinge is the best dating app. It’s very simple. Tinder is basic, tinder is 2016, tinder is for fuckboys. And bumble, I don’t know how to say this….. everyone is kind of weird??? Maybe bumble is destined for 35+?? Anyways, it’s hinge. Good selection, mix of casual and serious, AND (most importantly) you can see who likes you without matching with them. GAME CHANGING. This doesn’t mean we stop meeting people in bars, cute events and on the street. Real accidental movie-like romance can coexist with the online dating jungle.

There are three things which might bring you to THE WORLD OF HINGE:

1. in search of love

2. looking for fun

3. pure entertainment purposes

As you can maybe imagine, number 3 is my favorite. Sometimes you just need a little pick me up compliment to refresh your self esteem. There is nothing better than flipping through your likes and cackling at middle aged men with your best friend.

Let’s start at the beginning: creating a profile.

Now, this is an up-taking. Between the prompts, the minimum of six pictures and the option for voice memos, it’s a bit of a task.

My advice is: keep it light, short and relatable.

And never, ever do the voice notes. Or do. It’s your choice really.

I think being on a dating app can be kind of embarrassing in some self-conscious overthinking type of way, which is why I tend to play it cool with the profile.

Let the photos do the work. Say less.

My favorite prompt is to say something like “Respond to this if … you want to go out for drinks tonight”

That way, we cut straight to the chase: the date itself.

The problem with hinge and any other dating app is that we get STUCK. The awkward texting, corny opening lines and forced ‘how are you’s. If we can minimize that, please, let’s. The key to actually meeting someone is to cut the talking stage and just set up a time to meet. I would even argue don’t text before the first date. A forced conversation with a stranger you know nothing about is uncomfortable and unreasonably tense.

The best hinge date I’ve been on was with someone I matched with the day of and had no small talk with. Live by that.

If dating is a drag to you, find ways to make it more fun.

Get a drink, do some swiping and giggling, and treat your matches as experiments.

Exhibit A:

why can I never spell Michael right

Send them your poems. Make jokes. Invite them out for drinks. Pretend the whole thing is an elaborate play. This is your movie. Make what you want of it.

I get overwhelmed if there are too many matches because they all just merge into one ambiguous united person. Being intentional and picky is key. Choose people who seem to be giving the same energy as you and looking for the same thing.

If you hate first dates, make sure you are at least the one picking where to meet. I live by the rule of a first date drink. Meet at a cute and quiet (but not too quiet) bar or have wine in the park. If the date goes bad, at least you’ll be a little drunk. This also relieves tension, nerves and any expected awkwardness.

If drinks are not an option, I would vouch for afternoon coffee or a sweet little picnic. I prefer late afternoon/evening dates because it just feels less intense. We can not be in broad daylight in the awkward late morning/early afternoon hours. Absolutely not.

The pre-date routine is what ultimately sets you up for success. Put on your favorite music, try on five outfits, and dance around and send videos to your friends. Optional pre-game drink (if not driving).

It’s like getting ready to go for a night out — the time spent singing in front of the bathroom mirror with a myriad of eyeshadow colors spread out before you is always the best part.

I am notoriously known for endlessly long first dates. After my latest hinge date lasted 8 hours, I started to think that this might just be who I am. I want to spend enough time with someone to break the wall between strangers. I want to have experiences on first dates that transcend that we don’t know each other well, and that our lives have been entirely different. I want to pop a squat behind a tree at the park after we finish a bottle of wine because, well, it’s more fun that way. I’m not one for formalities, for the very slow and logical build up. I am open to giving the entire raw truth of who I am and where I’ve been from the start. I look for comfort. I create it. I tell people random stories and unhinged secrets that I probably shouldn’t share. The thing is, that’s what builds connection. You have to cut the bullshit and be unforgivably who you are. That’s how you find something real with someone.

Before going on a date, especially with an unknown hinge match, I think it’s really important to have some intentions in mind. That way, wherever the evening takes you, you know what sober and sound minded you wanted. What are you looking for with this date? Is it due time for you to get laid? Do you want to try a new restaurant and therefore need a partner? Do you really like this person and want to take it slow getting to know them?

Knowing what YOU want is key to not having your boundaries crossed or ending up somewhere you aren’t okay with.

Equally, I think it’s important to think about what has brought you into the dating pool and what emotions you’re leading with. Actions led by desperation or need will only create more of that same feeling. That goes for anything. When we try to avoid ourselves and distract with other people, there’s only so much time until we are forced to face what we were trying to hide from initially.

Dating from a vulnerable place is really dangerous. This is when we meet people who are lessons, people who teach us what we don’t want, and people who deepen the wounds we came in with.

By no means am I an example of perfection. In fact, there have been many a time that I have stuffed my mouth full of skin deep compliments and free drinks just to fill the void screaming inside me. It’s part of growing up. Unfortunately in our teen years we don’t know what healthy or normal looks like yet. We don’t know how we want to be treated or what things are important to us when dating. Not at all am I trying to preach ‘You have to love yourself before you can be loved’, but I do believe having self respect and self esteem are so important. If you don’t think you’re worth it, you won’t notice how poorly someone is treating you. We need to have standards, we need to raise the bar, we as women NEED to uphold what we deserve. One of my best friends said something to me that really changed my entire perspective. She said, “If you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself, how do you think you’re going to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else?” And damn. It’s so true. Building a loving relationship with yourself means having something to fall back on, someone to trust, and reduces the chances of falling into codependency or toxic dynamics. The relationship with yourself is the one that will give you the most fulfillment, joy, and peace. You’re always going to be there. Not everyone will.

(ok back to the fun stuff)

Dating is a means of collecting stories. Throwback to the time I met a girl in the bar bathroom and we realized we had matched on Hinge. Or the time I got into a concert for free thanks to a guy I matched with three years ago (hi Austin). Or the time someone who knew Obama liked me.

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

Not every date will lead you to the love of your life, but each one will gift you with a new perspective on life.

Yes it can be exhausting to live in this never-ending technological world, but it can also be fun.

So go make a profile, cuddle up in bed and see what happens.

I mean…. why not?