A Defeated Woman

on the election, misogyny, & themes of defeat

This will be a different type of post.

Right now, it’s 9:05pm in Southern California. Election night. Trump is up, 230 to 209.

After the terribly anxiety inducing and depressing election ‘party’ i went to, I retreated my room to listen to songs like dear john and vampire and anything adele. This election feels similar to a breakup— a dramatic one at that. I can feel that this is a moment in history we are witnessing. A loss which is hitting me like a truck, like everything is being taken from me, like a promise has been broken. I thought this was over.

My mom came to stand in my doorway and started crying,

“It’s so sad,” she says.

“It just feels like we never win, as women.” I say back, a tear slipping down my cheek.

I didn’t know it would be like this, feel like this. I thought there was no chance he could be president again.

Somehow a woman will never be as competent as a man, even if he’s a sex offender, convicted felon and the worst public speaker to date.

I could cry.

While swaying somberly around my room, singing along to All I Ask by Adele, I felt a familiar feeling. Defeat. I’ve been here before. Trying to win a battle against someone who will never believe my words valid enough, aiming to convince a man that how I feel matters, wishing that someone would just BELIEVE me.

The worst part is, even with this election, men have a way of saying that it’s ‘not that big of a deal’ and ‘it will be okay’ as if it’s their rights that are up for grabs.

To see my country up on the tv screen, covered in an abusive shade of red, boils my blood. America has been poisoned with misogyny.

We have a broken system as it is, a hopeless government. A divided nation.

All over the country, masses of people praise a man who openly makes racist comments and childishly insults his opponents. A man accused of sexual assault by over twenty women. A man who only knows how to lie and nurse his ego.

2016 was when I first learned what it was to feel shame about where I came from. Shame to be an American. Shame to be from a country that elected a man like Trump. Shame that we would let this slide, not once but TWICE. All because he’s allegedly a ‘businessman’ and ‘can save the country’. As fucking if.

Good Fucking Riddance, I am LEAVING this country behind.

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The fact that this is even a close race is offensive.

It reminds me of being bullied in elementary school, a feeling of utter smallness, embarrassment, inadequacy.

I am tired of fighting people who will not budge. who do not care.

What does this say about our nation?

What does this say about our world?